It is definately over

Chris came over last night to pick up his mail. I thought this might give us a chance to sit down and talk about how this all came to be. I was so wrong. He wouldn't even sit and he just stood there cold as ice. I asked him for the the truth and I wanted to know how all this started. He didn't feel the need to delve into the details. I asked him when he started e-mailing all the random women and how he met them. He said they are people he has known for a long time. I don't believe that. If he knew them, then why was he asking for face pictures? He said he met Shayna on a 4-wheeling forum and they began talking. When things got bad with us two months ago he arranged to meet her. I think all this is lies. Who goes and meets someone once and then creates a whole myspace page dedicated to their relationship? I can't believe a single word that comes from his mouth. I asked if they were in love, I know he's told her he loves her. He just hung his head down and fidgeted around and then said he has strong feelings for her. I asked if he still loved me and he said that he was in love with me. Enough said, he loves her, he doesn't love me. He wouldn't answer if they've had sex, but the look on his face said yes they have. The whole situation disgusts me. He tried basically blaming me saying our sex life was lacking. Give me a break. He's just sick and twisted living in his own little fairytale life.

Today he sent me an e-mail basically accusing me of keeping some of his mail. I do not have anymore of his mail and I will not be letting him pick up anymore of his mail from my house. Whatever comes in I will put in his storage unit. I'm not going to communicate with him anymore unless it's regarding the divorce paperwork. Instead of responding to him I called his mom and told her to tell him I do not have anymore of his mail and that I'll be dropping it off once a week in the storage unit. I also found out he lied to me yet again. He told me that he told his mom he was talking to another woman. She denied that.

I'm so disgusted with myself that I never saw his true colors. Was anything he ever told me true or was our entire relationship a lie? Does he even know how to tell the truth? Questions I'll never know the answers to. Someday I'll move on and stop asking.

I received the divorce paperwork today. It seems surreal to have our entire relationship summed up in black and white dividing everything we have. What about the emotions we had? Can we divide that up too? Can he take over all the hurt and pain I am feeling?